"For", Not Just "About"

Brian Chair

I heard of a deacon’s meeting years ago when a problem at a church was being discussed. After exhausting all the possibilities of resolution, the pastor said a common phrase: “well, men, I guess what we need to do is pray”. An old deacon chimed in almost immediately and said, “Oh No! Has it come to that?” So often we do treat prayer as if it is the last ditch effort at hopeless situations, but prayer should actually be our first line of defense…not our last! This is true in every area of life, and it is especially true of forgiving others.

When people offend us, I think it is very common for us to pray. But think about how we pray.

  • We pray about the situation – This type of prayer often seems more like an effort to remind God about what happened. We rehearse the offense to Him…as if He did not already know.
  • We also pray about the person – This type of praying can take all kinds of forms. We ask God to “heap coals of fire on their head”. We want them to “admit what they did”. We may even ask God to judge them for their actions

If you read through the Psalms, you will find plenty of instances of David praying in these first two ways. But since I have already written that forgiveness really is more about the heart of the person offended rather than the actions of the offender, I want to suggest two other (and likely more profitable) ways to pray.

  • Pray for yourself – Ask God that He would give you a forgiving heart. It is always beneficial to reminisce with the Father about all that He has forgiven you for. This is a source of consistent worship for me. When I deserved wrath, He gave me mercy! When I deserved His just judgement, He forgave me! When you are offended, it is a great time to ask the Lord to help you release the same type of forgiveness that you have received. After all, for us to live out the character that God requires of us, it demands the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.
  • Secondly, pray for the person who offended you – This is different than praying about them! We are not just reminding God what they did, and asking God to do bad things to them on account of it (aren’t we glad that God doesn’t treat our sins that way!!). What I am talking about here is intercession. It is where we go the Father and ask for His kingdom to come and His will to be done in their lives:

“Lord be merciful to them. Pour out your steadfast love on them. If they have sinned, bring them to a place of repentance. Save them! May Your goodness draw them to You, and deliver them from the enemy. Open up heaven and pour out blessing on them so great that they won’t be able to receive it. Make them a blessing to others!”

This may feel counterintuitive to all that you feel, but few things will change your heart about a person like praying for them.

I pray for you today, that if you are struggling with offense you might start praying for your offender rather than just about them. I believe it will transform your heart, and help you to enjoy all of the freedom that Jesus died for you to have!

Blessings, Pastor Brian